As I’ve mentioned before, I recently started going to counseling. This week we hit a topic that is really close to my heart, and I wanted to share it with all of you.
When I was younger, I had a hard time making friends. Some might say I was bullied, but I would say I was ignored. I remember coming home one day in middle school and telling Mum I would prefer for people to treat me negatively because at least then they would notice me.
Any bullying story is difficult to go through, so I’ll try not to make this one too difficult.
Throughout life, my brother and I changed schools five times or more. It was normal for use to change every two years or so. Either the curriculum wasn’t right for us or the school leaders were bad influences or we just found something better. Every time I changed schools it was the same story. I was always the odd ball out. The little “goody-two-shoes” who no one could relate to.
Now don’t get me wrong, I did have a handful of friends. I’d meet one or two people at every school. . . usually. . . hopefully. But that wasn’t always the case.
I remember my sixth grade year there were only eight other people in my class. That’s how small the private school was. And if you think people are nice at a school just because it’s a private Christian school, you’re so wrong.
On the second day of school, a classmate approached me. “Hey, Janna, I was talking to my friend on the phone last night. She says she doesn’t like you.” I wasn’t shocked that she didn’t like me, but I was surprised someone said it to my face.
I became used to feeling alone in a school filled with people. I remember at the end of the year the entire school had a picnic, and I went off to sit alone and eat.
I was shocked when two seniors came over and asked me why I was sitting alone. No one cared that I sat alone before, and I was used to it. It made me uncomfortable that they would invite me to sit with them. I was so used to feeling rejected that it had become natural for me to reject any form of love.
Fortunately a new girl came to my class the next year, and we became the best of friends. Just she and I against everyone else in the class. We laughed and joked about them together, and I no longer gave a care in the world that they didn’t like me because now I had one good friend. . . There’s more to the story, but we’ll save that for some other time.
I want to take this time to encourage any of my readers who feel alone, sad, or neglected. The truth is you’re not alone, and I can totally relate. It sucks. That’s just all there is to it.
Even though you can’t change the people around you, there are ways to deal with feeling alone. Tell someone. Let an adult know that you want to make friends. Let an adult know if someone isn’t treating you respectfully. Nowadays there are ways to make friends and keep in touch with old friends through social media. You can message me if you want some encouragement or just someone to talk to.
One thing that helped me when I felt alone is talking to my Mum and pouring my energy into horseback riding. Maybe you can find a hobby that can encourage you when you’re feeling down. I also spent time in prayer, because I believe prayer can change things. I also believe there is someone out there who loves us unconditionally no matter what situation we’re in.
If you notice that someone in your class is always alone or shy, think about starting a conversation with him/her. Who knows. It may mean the world.