Adulting: Finding Myself

Since I’ve moved on my own, I’ve felt lost.  How do I identify myself?  What do I believe and why?  What are my standards and how strict am I?

Back home I always identified myself as my mother’s daughter (as mentioned in my last post).  But now that I’m in the city, my family is unknown.  I’m learning how to introduce myself.

Who am I?  I’m the writer and the student.  I’m the little girl finding her identity as a woman.  I’m the one who knows less but is interested in more.

I’m exposed and being exposed to new interests and different ideas.  Philosophy is the most difficult of topics because there are so many variations of the same idea, each with their own factors and proofs.  I’m discovering that I can no longer simply believe because I believe.  I have to know why I believe.  This is the most difficult challenge because I am not satisfied with the answer “I believe because it’s what my mother believes.”  I want to know why I believe and why I have faith.

I believe in God because He has made Himself known to me since childhood.  It isn’t a fantasy that has been drawn up for my benefit or a game that we have played.  It is a lifestyle.  My lifestyle.

My faith is what defines my standards because it has a foundation of love.  God is love.  To say I believe in love is to say I believe in God.

Love has standards.  Love can be harsh.  Love can be soft.

I believe in doing what’s right.  Life has guidelines through love and through God.  Following these guidelines brings peace and rest.

The challenge comes with knowing when to be harsh and when to be soft.  There are guidelines, but there is no instruction manual to say at what moment you should carry out what act or attitude.

There are times to be strict and times to be compassionate.  It depends on the person and the circumstance.  I often overthink such things and frustrate myself.  But the truth is: sometimes we make mistakes.  Sometimes we display anger when we should have compassion and vice versa.

The beauty of this is: mistakes allow for forgiveness.  Without forgiveness, how are we to grow closer in our relationships?

Now, there are times when we have forgiveness and give second chances.  There are also times when we must forgive and move on from a person or a relationship.

I’m learning all of this for myself in addition to how to carry out such act in my own life.

No matter what religion or faith, I believe the most important factor is love.  If you can carry out love within your life,  there is so much peace and reward.  I suppose as long as I have love, I’m never really lost in my beliefs.

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