In love with Boredom

For those of you who don’t know, I moved into my new apartment on the first of the month. It’s been lovely learning about God and myself with minimal distraction.
I told myself that I wouldn’t go out today, so here I am. Stranded alone in a beautiful two bedroom apartment. I’ve been by myself for four days. I’ve seen a couple of friends, but I’m mainly alone.
Solitude. I’ve been taking it for granted for the past several years.
In high school I always hated being alone. I wanted to be with friends consistently, people who surrounded me and encouraged me, people I could laugh and get along with.
It wasn’t until recently that I really craved a lonely environment. Real solitude. I don’t have television or internet at the apartment, so I am truly free of so many distractions.
As many college students know, life can become full of demands, whether it’s drama, studying, working, etc. To me it felt like a constant battle. It was me against the world, ready for whatever life threw at me.
But after a while, the adrenaline fades away and reality sets in. I was left with more obligations than any college student should be faced with. In addition to the stress, my body took a physical toll. It was no longer me against the world – it was me against myself.
I would push and push myself until I started to shake. I would tremble at the amount of anxiety I had because I didn’t know how to control it. I didn’t know my limits, and for the first time I couldn’t rely on anyone else for the answers.
I spent a lot of time in prayer, reading, meditating. It was hard for me to break the cycle of stress that had become evident in my life. It was like a leash that kept me chained to my home and weighed me down when I tried to go out and live my life.
Finally, I discovered my limits. I was finally able to pinpoint what was stressing me out and to eliminate these factors from my life. Sure, I was still busy, and there was still drama. But I made a start in my healing process.
Now I’m in my own apartment months later, enjoying freedom and taking a new step into my stress-free life.
I love that I am bored. I count it as a blessing because several months ago, I didn’t have the pleasure of being bored. I didn’t have the opportunity to wonder what I was going to do with myself because my own commitments kept me trapped in a to-do list.
For me, being bored is a part of the healing process. It’s a time to examine myself and consider the realities of who I am as an individual. It’s a time for me to discover who I am and what I love – not focus on what I must accomplish to appeal to my idols.

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